Hello, Readers. Two topics sprung in the mind the moment I woke up this morning–being real and finding balance. As I pondered which of the two I’d write about today, I considered the differences between them in terms of where my head is right now. In the end, I determined they are each integral to my current challenge–balancing my daily work and life with my efforts to be more myself than I’ve ever been.
I know this all sounds a little cryptic, and that is always the challenge of writing . . . to get out of the head and into words something which is organic and unbounded. To put it into words is to capture and contain something resembling “The Blob” from the famous 1950’s movie bearing the same name. To convey it, you–the writer–have to pull from this blob something that resembles language.
Often, it’s a bit like the scene from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” where light and sound is used to attempt communication between humans and alien spaceships. The process is often painful as when the mother of all spaceships drops a resounding bass tone deep enough to shatter human eardrums.
Now, where was I? Oh, yes . . . balance, being real, and the combined effort of balancing being real.
Several bloggers’ posts recently got me thinking (Julie Hansen Intuitive’s “Be More You”, for one) about whether I was successfully balancing my work and personal goals or whether I was starting to sell my [creative] soul again in order to make a living. To check myself, I reread one of my very first blog postings from a little over a year ago entitled “Off With Their Heads! (Time to nip it in the bud)” where within its message I affirm how much I wanted to reignite creativity as the integral part of my being it was up until adulthood. Actually, I’ve written on this topic across several postings over the last year. The challenge has been “Can I secure work in the future that allows me to express creativity and feed my soul as well as my belly?” The truth is I have felt most alive in the last several chaotic years when I have spent time on creative endeavors. As soon as I step too far away from those endeavors, I feel like an android, devoid of the joy of life.
Just this last month, after two years of long-labored efforts to shift careers entirely from IT tech to self-proclaimed writer and creative being, I managed to successfully nail a part-time job as a grant writer. To succeed in this profession, one has to be meticulous with details and have a certain writing finesse (compact, colorful, compelling writing and an ability to tell a story) in order to write successful proposals for much-needed grant money. I’ve chosen to do this in the non-profit industry for a good cause to satisfy a core desire to use my writing skills to make a difference. Between the new job and this blog, I feel I’m satisfying that desire.
But a reality check, brought on by a certain uneasiness made me realize that even here on Swimming in the Mud, I’ve not been entirely real. What I haven’t achieved here is the ability to be fully myself, which is to say that I’ve not been able to show my lighter and slightly more creative side. It seemed inappropriate for this blog. But my inability to fly my freak flag has left me feeling less real.
So, my solution is to spawn another blog where I can explore my creative self. Whereas Swimming in the Mud will remain a reflection of the challenges of traversing reality, Sneakers in the Dryer will reflect my adventures in exploring creativity (fiction writing; art perhaps; a touch of humor and lightness). I just created the new blog this weekend and have transferred a thing or two from this blog to that one as made sense and immediately felt a zillion times better. I feel like now I am complete. I’m fully represented . . . this is who I am.
It’s surprising to me how much difference a blog can make. In day-to-day life, it’s hard to keep balance–to fully be who you are. Within just about a year of blogging, I’ve managed to develop in the virtual a certain balance that carries over into the real. Because of it, IN the real, I now FEEL more real.
AFTERTHOUGHT: After publishing this post I remembered one of the other bloggers’ posts that significantly stirred me into spawning my Sneakers in the Dryer blog . . . it was from Stories of the Wandering Feet and Mind wherein the author shares how he got clear on what he should write about having discovered something authentic within his soul.
Thank you to all bloggers who inspire me with both their clarity and confusion! I can relate to both!